THE CONFESSIONAL ROOM-Episode 3-The Attempted Smiting

Dan’s Attempted Denial (Which Goes Poorly)

[Camera clicks on. Dan sits on the Confessional couch, tail wrapped tightly around himself. He looks everywhere except the lens.]

Dan: Okay, first of all, I didn’t do anything. Everyone keeps saying I “dropped something” or “tried to smite Bella,” but that’s… that’s ridiculous. I don’t even know how gravity works. I’m a victim of the narrative.

[He glances off‑camera, clearly lying.]

I was just… exploring. You know. Being curious. Checking the structural integrity of the shelf. Making sure the objects up there were… stable. If anything fell, that’s on the objects. Not me.

[He shifts uncomfortably.]

And Bella? She’s been nose‑punching me for weeks. Weeks. Do you know what that does to a man’s spirit? I can’t even walk through a doorway without bracing for impact. She’s like a tiny, furry battering ram.

[He gestures wildly.]

So maybe — maybe — something slipped. But it wasn’t on purpose. I didn’t look down and think, “Oh hey, there’s Bella, let me just—” [He makes a vague pushing motion, realizes what he’s done, freezes.] I mean— I didn’t do that. Obviously.

[He laughs nervously. No one laughs with him.]

Look, if I wanted to take Bella out — which I don’t — I would… I would… [He trails off, realizing he has no plan.] I wouldn’t use… objects. That’s messy. And loud. And she’d tell everyone.

[He sighs, defeated.]

Fine. Maybe I nudged something. But only because I was startled. By Bella. Who was staring at me. With her Sheriff Eyes.

[He leans in, whispering.]

Have you ever been stared down by Bella? It’s like being judged by a thousand ancestors.

[He sits back, resigned.]

Anyway. I didn’t try to smite her. I just… miscalculated the angle of an object that happened to be near the edge of a high place while Bella was directly underneath it.

[He nods, as if this is a solid defense.]

Totally innocent.

[Camera cuts out mid‑blink.]